insomnia.

I can't sleep. i should warn you that punctuation and spelling may suck in this post because i am attempting to do this from my phone and i havent the patience to try and capitalize letters. i feel so wired right now; hyperaware of people talking and moving all around me. i ought to be sleeping. or i ought to be working. instead i am lying here in bed alone with my thoughts.

today was a good day. most of my work that needed to get done got done and i even got some good news to boot. ive been thinking about where i've been at this time in the last few years. i was terrified and anxious to prove myself. i was stressed out of my mind. i was heartbroken and homesick. i wonder what this year will bring. maybe its because i am in an odd state of mind right now but i feel strangely hopefulthat all is not lost. and i cant help but want to hold onto that hope and run with it.

for once i am hopeful that it will truly be ok.

Why a Liberal Arts education is important

I wanted to take a brief return from my hiatus to talk about something that is very near and dear to my heart: a liberal arts education.

There are many different ideas floating out there about the best method of education and everyone wants to champion their own ideas. However, I believe that a liberal arts education(or at least the underlying mindset) is absolutely invaluable. In fact, I would go as far to say that it is crucial to succeeding.

There is a lot of hype surrounding the phrase so allow me to state it simply:
A liberal arts education requires that you learn as broadly and as deeply as possible.

I have recently heard from a number of people who were skeptical of it; why bother learning about things that seem to be impractical and have no application in the real world? Why not simply use the time you spent reading Chaucer and Milton to learn...oh I don't know...engineering or something of the sort.

To say that subjects like Philosophy, Art History, Political Science, Sociology and yes, even Biology have no basis in real world situations is the most close-minded and erroneous opinion I have heard to date.  

I have recently come to the conclusion that it is a fundamental part of the human condition to search for meaning in life, a certain type of truth. A liberal arts education enriches our understanding of the world in so many ways.

Every single action that we have, everything that makes us who we are as people is based off of centuries worth of history, art and language. Without intellectuals like Socrates and Aristotle, I highly doubt that you would even be able to process this blog post because you would not have the underlying logic to understand it. Without learning different languages we couldn't even begin to communicate with eachother and I imagine it would be akin to the barbaric tribes under the Roman Republic with each small sector of people going about their business but being completely isolated. There would be no mathematics because people would not have been able to standardize it in the first place. Literally everything that we know to be true was built on the basis of other minds and without these subjects we would not even be able to comprehend anything, really.

On a much more immediate level, having a background in many different subject gives you a very special and unique understanding of the world around us right now and has so many implications for the future. I can not even count the number of times that ideas from my Humanities classes have come up in my science classes. Without having a knowledge of different subjects, you would not be able to see connections between fields. It would be like trying to read a book with every other page torn out.

So while some may scoff at the idea of a liberal arts education, never forget that what you are doing is so incredibly important, Wendys. I really cannot think of anything more noble or more crucial than the pursuit of all forms of knowledge. While some other students may be able to be incredibly useful in a specific situation, you will be the enlightened thinkers who saw the connection in the first place.

Best of luck with exams,
T

Read it 1st: The Great Gatsby

Due to switching schools halfway through high school, I never was assigned this book to read for class. As such, I got to college and realized I was the only person this happened to so it immediately catapulted to the top of my "To Read" list.

I had really high hopes for the novel after hearing how John Green and Nerdfighteria loved this book. I finally got to reading it this summer and I have to say....

I wasn't that impressed.

I will say that the language was clear and concise; you could easily understand what the author meant to say, which I definitely appreciate(especially after tackling Beowulf). It was elegant and fairly well-written.

The modern versions...with more cheating.

I found the idea of portraying the rich youth engaging in lives of glamourous excess to be...banal. I think I've been desensitized by shows like Gossip Girl and the like. It seems like a lot of shows follow this line of thought: they drink, they party and in the end there's some kind of humanity left in these characters, a redeeming factor. They lead lives of leisure and they are bored out of their minds. They have everything, yet they have nothing of substance. They are eternally cursed by wanting things they cannot have and above all, happiness seems to elude them even though they have their material needs more than taken care of. I know that Gatsby came first so really, the 'current' media is copying Fitzgerald, not the other way around. But the storyline doesn't really do much for me. It doesn't grab my attention in the way that some of my favorite novels do.

I feel like this is one of those novels which one could easily discuss at length about the symbols and the different characters and such and if I had to read this for a class, I think I could probably do that convincingly since there seems to be enough material to discuss. I read the book fairly quickly so I'm sure there's a lot more than I gleaned from my first reading. However, as far as grabbing my attention though, this novel kind of struck out.

Mixed thoughts about the Chick-Fil-A letter.

If you've been away from the internet, you know that Mayor Menino released a letter a few days ago to the CEO(?) of Chick-Fil-A(who had made anti-gay marriage statements earlier) that we in the city of Boston have no need for a business that discriminates against homosexuals. You can read the letter in its entirety here

As you can see from the title, I'm not entirely sure what I think about this letter.

Let me state right now that I am definitely pro-gay rights and gay marriage. HOWEVER. I do not believe this strongly worded letter was the best vehicle through which to air our views for the following reasons:

1) People are allowed to believe whatever they want in this country. Or so the First Amendment tells me.

2) From what I can see, the business Chick-Fil-A itself is an equal opportunity employer who does not (and CAN NOT) discriminate against employees of different sexual orientations.

While I think that Mayor Menino's efforts were very noble, I think they were somewhat misguided. Having another restaurant on the Freedom trail could be an opportunity for employment and increased revenue for the city of Boston. What it basically comes down to for me is whether or not we can separate the ethics of the corporation from the ethics of the people who run it, or whether we should treat them as one and the same. While you could disagree with Mr. Cathy's viewpoints, does that discount him from being a successful businessman? Should his beliefs exclude him from having his business in Boston? Also, I'm not sure what Menino's powers as mayor are but I'm fairly sure it's unethical to expel someone from the city of Boston because of their viewpoints. It's a targeted attack of an individual rather than the company; had the company itself stated that it would not hire gay employees, this would be a huge issue but that's not exactly the case. So while I applaud his audacity, I'm still somewhat divided about this.

Advice No One Asked For: Wendy's Guide to Picking Up Guys

Among my many incredibly awkward encounters in the communal kitchens, the one that sticks out the most to me is when I overheard some girls talking about how to pick up guys. My first reaction when I was overhearing this was "Wow, did that really need to be said? Why was that an issue in the first place?" but the more I listened, the more I realized that how Wellesley students act at parties is actually a huge issue.

Because we are really obnoxious. Like, really obnoxious.

You're trying too hard.

Yes, we are freaking gorgeous when we go out and yes, we are the smartest, sassiest women in the country but literally every woman I know here transforms into an insecure high school freshman again when confronted with any person that has a Y chromosome. It's just the nature of our being at an all-womens' college and it is what it is. While I wouldn't call myself an expert on the subject, none of my male friends  have threatened to kill me yet so I must be doing something right. So I'm here to set the record straight so that we can stop being hated by every other college girl who isn't a Wendy in Massachusetts.

The first(and most important) piece of advice is to STOP TRYING SO HARD.


Honestly though, this is the general mantra that I'm going to give you. I'm going to level with you and say right now that it is highly unlikely that you will find your future husband at a relatively sketchy party. So just enjoy being off campus(if you are) and have fun with your friends. If you have to think a lot about your clothes/makeup/shoes/conversation...you're probably not doing it right. The lower your expectations for yourself and other are, the more fun you will have. It's just a fact.

Ok. Now that that's over, on to the nitty gritty.

Do make eye contact. This is something I overheard in the kitchen and I actually really like it. A guy will probably not be able to tell you're making flirty eyes under your eyelashes in a badly lit room anyways so just look at him in the eyes. Worst comes worst, it will be awkward but you can stare at his butt anyways.

DON'T be clingy. This should go without saying; girls don't like clingy girls so why on Earth would guys like them? Finding a guy who is DTF will not be that hard so if you've managed to find one that isn't, do the respectful thing and just move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Really. If you left campus, there's literally a whole room of them.

Also, DON'T complain about your day/hate on other girls or be generally unpleasant. This is not attractive behavior. And whatever you do DON'T get sloppy with your drinking. That is also unattractive.

Do  be very direct and talk to guys during the night. This is a hard one for me too but you really can't expect that a guy to know you're interested in him if you don't say so. To quote one of my favorite authors: USE YOUR WORDS.

Don't cling to your besties the entire night. I know it's tempting because you might not be very comfortable in the situation but you likely spend the entire school week with them. Branch out if only for the night; the worst case situation is that you have a lot of conversations, the art of which is dying and dearly needs intelligent, witty women like us to resurrect it.

Simply put, use this opportunity to just have fun and be yourself. Stop caring so much about how the other people will see you because chances are, you'll never see any of them again. And if you do, you can be glad that you didn't embarrass yourself or(God forbid) our lovely alma mater.

Keep it classy, ladies.

Musical Throwbacks: Just the Girl

So I think you all know this song, it happened to come up on my Pandora today at work so I thought I would do some close reading of the lyrics. Despite the fact that I'm annoyed that the hook ends with a preposition, it's pretty catchy and I really liked this song in middle school. HOWEVER. I didn't really think about what the lyrics mean until now so let's take this verse by verse.

She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She's the one I'm after

She sounds abusive. But seriously, bro...she's a b*tch to you yet you still want her? Why?


'cause she's bittersweet
(Honestly, she only really sounds bitter so far)
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep comin' back for more
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

Ahh, here we go. She puzzles you, that's why you keep going after her. Either our guy here has a huge ego and is confused as to why a female would so outrightly reject him...or he's a masochist.

She can't keep a secret
For more than an hour
She runs on 100 proof attitude power
And the more she ignores me
The more I adore her
What can I do?
I'd do anything for her


So he likes her because she's sassy...but she ignores him. Yet that makes him like her more? He likes that which he cannot have, which sounds totally healthy. Also, the fact that he brings up that she's a gossip seems significant.

And when she sees it's me
On her caller ID
She won't pick up the phone
She'd rather be alone
But I can't give up just yet
Cause every word she's ever said
Is still ringin' in my head
Still ringin' in my head
She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
Knows just what to say
So my whole day is ruined


...okay. So she clearly is not interested in him yet he keeps trying to pursue her. He also fixates on everything she's ever said to him(which, at this point I think is all mean things). Why do I keep thinking that this is going to end with a restraining order?

To summarize: This is a "nice" guy is obsessed with some girl who is not giving him the time of day. This story will be on repeat for the rest of his life. He seems to be on the road to perdition and we're just singing and dancing to it. Funny world, isn't it?

On Paranormal Erotica

Late in the evening a few months ago, my friend Sam and I were discussing some quotes about paranormal erotica, which he had come across by some means or another. We laughed at the absurdity of the "literature" and decided that if either of our college educations failed us, we could make a go at writing it since it was "metaphorically vomitting on a keyboard". 


I have since realized that there is actually more to this. In fact, it's a pretty smart business move. Since Twilight took off my freshman year of high school, the number of vampire/werewolf inspired media has skyrocketed. While not a work of great literature, what Twilight did was revolutionize the idea of these superhuman creatures being perceived not as objects of terror but rather as objects of desire; otherworldly enough that you should worship them...yet still human enough so that you can still sleep with them and that they can think of you as an equal of sorts.

This in turn has spawned countless novels about bondage, S&M and the like by sexy vampires, werewolves and maybe even ghosts. While I'm not entirely familiar with the genre(having never picked up one of these books) I can't really delve into specifics. However, my friend Sam has kindly provided me with enough quotations that I think I can say this with some degree of certainty.

The romantic interests in these types of books are usually dark, brooding and mysterious in addition to being incredibly desirable. They often think they know how to act in the best interests of the protagonist because their condition has given them extra knowledge of some kind. More often than not, they're usually pretty moody as well.  Consider this gem, for example

 “I don't know what you want, Haley. Just because you got me off does'nt mean I have to engage in post-fuck chat. So back off."

There is so much love and mutual adoration here. Essentially, they're in it for the sex at first and only really for that. My friend Sam also pointed out to me that in these novels, the female protagonists usually fantasize about being "slammed by a strong masculine appendage".   Being the significant other of a superhuman creature sets up some very unreal expectations for your real life significant others. Firstly, that you will always have mind-blowingly good sex with incredibly handsome/beautiful "people" which I find to be laughable. What is less laughable and more tragic is the  general apathy this genre may inspire. Love is no longer exciting because these books have affected people enough to become insanely popular and I fear that people will try to find this kind of emotional"fulfillment" in their own lives. 


Put simply, they are chasing a feeling-the feeling of exhilarating, ecstatic, all-consuming love(something that I do not believe exists at all times in a relationship). What's more, I feel like this genre makes people concentrate on what could (and never will) be rather than seeing the possibilities that are right in front of them. It's a really subtle but important distinction.

Read it 1st: Water for Elephants

A few days ago, I was perusing the titles outside the used bookshop in the Ville when suddenly I came upon the novel Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I remembered that a looooooong time ago, D told me that he read that book and it was pretty good so I decided to buy it and read over the summer.

I started the novel last night and finished it earlier this evening. That good. Because I want you to read the book, I will summarize it thusly:

Jacob Jankowski was about to graduate from Cornell veterinary school and take over his father's practice when his parents are killed in a tragic car accident. Despondent, he runs away to join the circus. He falls in love. Shenanigans ensue.

Like I said, I finished the book really quickly and liked it immensely. Tonight, I wanted to watch the movie to see how it matched up. I kind of remember seeing the trailers for the movie and knew that the two main characters were played by Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon. When I recalled this fact earlier tonight, I was skeptical of how the movie would be.

On the whole, I think that the movie functioned pretty well; the storyline was more developed in some areas and less developed in other for the sake of time. That's usually how it goes with movie adaptations of books. The visuals were stunning and I think that the plot flowed pretty well. I was pleasantly surprised by the actor who portrays the ringmaster and Reese Witherspoon(though she probably wouldn't have been my first choice for Marlena) was quite convincing in being in love with R-Patz(who, by the way is about 10 years younger than her). So overall, I guess the movie gets a B+ for adapting to the book.

HOWEVER.

"I'm still Edward freaking Cullen."

I have one thing that I would like to ask: why Robert Pattinson for the lead??? I really was trying to keep an open mind about his acting because I don't think that actors should always be thought of as the first role they make it big as. ..But he did the same thing that he's done with most of his other roles. Namely, playing the brooding hero who is kind of out of it for most of the time. True, he has a little bit more spice in this film than in the Twilight saga but that's just because that's the character, not anything he as an actor did. The character of Jacob has lost everything and is swept away by this glitzy world...but Pattinson's acting felt underwhelming to me. 

WHY DIDN'T HE GET THE PART.

Furthermore, when I was picture Jacob in my head, I pictured him being a little bit more wiry and awkward. Especially since we can read some of his inner monologues and it seems like he's quite torn about...well, everything in his life. Robert Pattinson is usually staring (thoughtfully?) into the distance, into his lover's eyes, at the animals. He seems...a little too suave for the role. 

So there you have it: Movie was pretty good...but didn't blow me away.

(On a side note: Reese says R-Patz is a bad kisser. Sucks to suck)

What shall I read next? If nothing else is suggested, Gatsby is up at bat.

Why Wellesley: An argument for the single sex education of women

I'm back from the hiatus!(and still procrastinating...per usual)

So a little while back I was on the train into Boston and I was talking with one of my friends(also a rising sophomore) about students who were transferring to co-ed schools. My friend asked me why I picked Wellesley and while I gave her a generic answer at the time, I wanted to think more carefully about why I was here in the first place, and would I do it again if I had to?





(A quick disclaimer: I can only really speak about Wellesley because it's the only single-sex institution I have attended. Other schools might be different. )

When I first started telling people that I had plans to apply to Wellesley, some people were kind of impressed and others were horrified. Of the latter, the main arguments fell into the following scenarios:

1) "Are you a lesbian?"
-Um. No?

2) "OMG, Tiff how can you survive without guys? Won't it make you totally awkward around guys?? I could never do that!"
-No, you could...you just chose not to. And I know that we Wendys have a bad rep at parties as the over-dressed, overly flirty/suggestive princesses. Having been at a few parties at other schools, I can't say that this stereotype is completely undeserved and I can't say that being only around other female students was not a factor for this contrived behaviour. HOWEVER. Generations of Wellesley women before us have 1) survived all four years here without male students being 50% of the population and 2) GOTTEN MARRIED. I mean, my sister met a lovely guy after being here and they're getting married so her social skills really can't have been hindered too much. There is yet hope for us.

And finally:

3) "You know, Tiff...the world isn't only female. You're going to have to deal with guys at some point."

It is off this argument that I want to make my main statement.

First off, many a Wellesley woman has gone on to be high achieving in her career. Just pick up the Alumnae Magazine and start reading.  So do not worry about that.

Yes, we at Wellesley are in a lovely, accepting bubble. Although some people here have said that this is a vicious and competitive place, I have never found it to be so. It is stressful at times because people are focused on doing their best here. This does not make Wellesley exceptional. That skill could have been picked up at any school of equal caliber, where motivated students flock by the hundreds. What does, however make us exceptional here is the incredibly unique atmosphere inside the classroom. Before I came to Wellesley, discussion of women's rights in high school was cursory. I myself did not particularly know or care about what was going on with women in America, or on a global scale. After coming here, it seemed like everyone knew about and cared about womens' rights and role in society. It was intimidating at first, because like I said I knew very little about WR coming in, and I know I still have a lot to learn. But it spreads like wildfire. The entire atmosphere here though encourages students to be proactive in asserting their basic rights(which is actually a lot harder than you would think) and promotes open discussion about these issues in class. As of this moment, I do not believe that this environment could be achieved at a co-educational school. Not because the students and professors are not as smart but simply because it is a different environment.  I know there is naturally some bias because we are all women here but I think that producing confident, compassionate students is the best thing this institution could possibly do. It's a simple fact: no one has as much at stake in the Womens' rights movement as women do. Regardless of what happens, men still go on being men. If we do not care about it, who will?

My dad told me a few weeks ago that he thinks that one day, Wellesley will have to go co-ed, if for no other reason than someone claiming discrimination against male scholars. If we could find a way to admit male students and still encourage the type of frank discussion that we currently have, that would be my dream come true. If I found a guy that cared about the stuff I cared about as passionately as I do, I would marry him. So while I think Wellesley students could be a little more accepting of other viewpoints, they have a unique passion that frankly, I think the world needs more of. It is not the right place for everyone but for the right person I think that this type of education could make all the difference. Wellesley women constantly strive to be the change they want to see, which is a better world for us and for our daughters.

If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would still pick Wellesley.

The Mean Reds

I think I'm feeling what Holly Golightly would call "the Mean Reds", where you're scared but you don't know of what. It's a really odd feeling. Things ought to be wonderful and perfect but the entire experience right now just feels deficient. I'm underwhelmed and apathetic, but I really don't have any reason to be. Nothing has changed. If anything, things are on the up. I can't shake this restless feeling I have though. Something is missing and I'm determined to find out what that is. Desperately seeking inspiration,
-T

Masculine tropes: The Modern Prince Charming

After watching The Feminist Frequency, I realized that today's society(and Wellesley in particular) concentrates on the effect of media on women as well as their portrayal. However, I think the way that men are portrayed in media is just as important. Indeed, I think we can all agree that the way that men act and think has some important implications for women.

After thinking about a few popular TV shows and movies, I've divided the lead male characters into two main categories: Princes and Princesses. This post will discuss the former.

The modern-day Prince is a man who is witty, charming, handsome or some combination thereof. Ladies love him and men want to be him. Or kill him for making the ladies love him. He has a cool, suave demeanor and is often time aloof and mysterious.


And all of that seems to make up for the fact that he has some really important unsavory personality traits. In fact, he seems to always be forgiven for these offensive traits simply because he is charming and women fall all over themselves when present with a smooth talker. Let's examine few examples:

Don Draper is main male lead of the hit show Mad Men, a show about an advertising agency on Madison Avenue in the 1960's. Don's very job is to manipulate words and pander to clients. He is literally a master of seduction. In addition to looking dapper all the time in a well tailored suit, he also is occasionally the champion for the ladies(usually Peggy or Joan). He also has a beautiful Jaguar. However, he has also had numerous extramarital affairs...and he stole someone else's identity(which is a felony). But hey, he's handsome and debonair so we can let that all slide right?

Next up is Edward Cullen, sexy vampire protagonist of the Twilight Saga. He's sparkly and has perfectly tousled locks AT ALL THE TIMES. He's moody and broody but oh so handsome. His eyes smolder and his voice is melodious and appealing. So appealing, in fact, that Bella(his unremarkable mortal girlfriend) would throw herself off a cliff just to hear it in a flight of dementia. He is a mentally and emotionally abusive boyfriend who puts Bella in danger constantly because he wants to eat her every moment he's around her(and so does every other vampire). He eventually marries her, virtually erasing all conflicts that had been built up over the course of the first three books. So...he wins in the end, right? Also, he has a really nice car too (+1)

Lastly, Jacob Black is the anti-hero of Twilight. He is Edward's main competition for Bella's affection. Again, we really receive no insight into his character other than he's the "typical" teenage guy: angry and horny. We have no information about his interests outside of Cars and Bella. While Edward is icy and aloof, Jacob is supposed to radiate warmth and friendship. He's Bella's best friend and her attraction for him snuck up on her out of nowhere. He's incredibly tall, ripped and also has really sexy hair. In the third book of the saga, he sexually assaults her but this is covered up because he just loves her sooooo much and wants to give her the normal life that she can't have if she's with Edward. In the end he ends up falling in love with Bella's daughter and so he gets a happy ending as well. Jacob does not have an expensive car but he does have a shiny motorcycle.

What is particularly disturbing about these tropes is that they essentially are teaching guys that they can be good looking, rich or charming and get whatever they want(which basically means whichever women they want). The sad thing about that, is that I've observed this to be kind of true in my own life(but that doesn't make it okay). These men are physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive yet they basically can do anything they want because they can make women swoon so that they forget all those bad things. But you're Wellesley women...you won't forget.

Hats off to the W network!

I would just like to take the opportunity to acknowledge all the international students that have read my articles. A year ago, I would never have thought that my writing would be read by people in South Africa, Mexico, Cambodia, Russia, Ghana, India, Tanzania, the UK, Canada and lastly in the good ol' US :)

First Year Experiences: How to do Laundry

While some people might find this remedial, I did laundry for the first time EVER by myself when I arrived at Wellesley and I thought I would type up this quick guide for those who have no had this experience yet. Here we go:

Step 1: Put your quarters into the washing machine to make sure that it's working; machines are rarely labeled when they are out of order. A load of laundry costs $1.00 USD and the machines only accept quarters. There is a change machine in the Campus Center for you to use.

Step 2: Load the washing machine with your clothes; be sure to unroll sleeves and socks to make sure they are washed properly. 

Step 3: Insert detergent. For the first couple of months, I used laundry sheets that contained detergent, softener and anti static. Those can be put in right where you put your clothes. For liquid detergent, there is a labelled opening on the top of the washing machine where you can pour the detergent. Liquid detergent can be measured out using the cap of the bottle.

Step 4: Select appropriate setting. I usually use cold water to reduce the probability of leaking dye or shrinking clothes.

Step 5: Insert quarters into the dryers to ascertain working machines.

Step 6: Transfer damp clothes into the dryer.

Step 7: CLEAN THE LINT SCREEN BEFORE YOU START THE DRYER. If you do not, the dryer will BURN your clothes.

Step 8: Select appropriate setting. I usually use "White and Colors" but this depends entirely on what you're washing. 

Step 9: Clean the lint screen after you're done too.

And you're done!

_____________________________

A few notes:

1) Yes, you can wear things more than once. Thicker items (like jeans and sweatshirts) and basically anything that doesn't touch your body directly can be worn 2 or 3 times before needing to washed. 

2) Be careful about what you put together in a load. Wellesley washers and dryers are highly unreliable and if loaded with a lot of thick objects(like during the winter), some of your clothes may not come out completely dry. Alternatively, some of your items(especially new clothes) may leak dye or other chemicals so if you're unsure, use a bit of detergent and wash them with warm water in the sink to test them out.

3) Try to keep track of how much time left you have before your laundry is done. There is a time on top of each of the machines to tell you this. If it's a busy day and you've abandoned your laundry, there is a good chance that someone will come and take your laundry out and place it somewhere else so that they can do theirs. If they're nice, it will be in your hamper. If they're mean, it will be on top of the machine with the most embarrassing items clearly visible.

4) Stock up on underwear and socks: These are usually the limiting factor for when I want to do laundry, not my actual clothes. I usually do laundry about once every week and a half. 

I think that's about everything, hope that was helpful :)

First Year Experiences: The Roommate

So here's the first of my first year blog posts.

Clearly, they ordered Lemon Thai

One of the incoming first years mentioned her anxiety about having a roommate this coming year and I thought I would address it. Last year, I was definitely excited about having a roommate but it was a little nerve racking too. To put this into context, I've basically been an only child throughout middle school and high school, never went to boarding school and have never had to share a room with anyone before, except on family trips.

Throughout the course of this past year, I have seen a lot of varied roommate pairings. Some of these have worked, others have not. When it doesn't work out, the blame does not fall onto one person or the other. It is not solely one person's fault that something didn't work out, just that certain circumstances have made it impossible for them to live together.

The two most important things for successful roommate pairings(in my opinion) are as follows:

1) Sleep patterns: Do you go out and come back really late? Do you sleep really late on the weekends? Are you generally a morning person? Are you an evening person? Are you a light sleeper? Are you a heavy sleeper? You may not know the answer to these questions yet but it'll be something you'll figure out soon enough. Once you do, try to work out a policy for how to deal with potential differences. For example, in one roommate pairing I knew, if one roommate had to work for more than 20 minutes after the other roommate has gone to sleep, the working roommate would need to find another place outside of the room to work for the remainder of the evening.

2) Visitors: While you may enjoy having the freedom to have your romantic partner(or even just friends) over, this requires quite a bit of adjustment for your roommate, whether it's giving up the room, or having someone stay in the room overnight. It's something that should definitely be hammered out in the beginning of the school year, no matter how silly you feel doing it.

I think the most difficult part of dealing with roommates is open communication. There are a whole host of complications. People don't like hurting other peoples' feelings, they want to be best friends with their roommate but their roommate isn't feeling it so much. There are a lot of little things that you might need to talk about that you don't even realize you need to talk about because you've already dismissed them as too banal. I assure you, they are not.

So when you arrive on campus in August, try to keep an open mind. Be flexible and try to accomodate and compromise. This is your first act as an adult and while you might think this redundant, but your roommate at the most basic level just needs to be someone you can get along with well enough to live together peacefully. You'd be shocked at how much of a difference this can make in your overall experience here.

Glee Finale

Finals are done so I'm celebrating by 1) Blogging and 2) Blogging about something other than school yay!

So tonight was the two hour finale of Glee and warning: THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE.

The first part was centered around Tina, who has essentially been portrayed as a flighty background character. However, they brought to our attention the following facts:

1) She is one of the founding members of the Glee Club

2) Most people don't seem to even know her name

3) She usually spends her time during what few solos she has either crying or being laughed at.

Now I happen to think that Tina is a kind of problematic. I don't really like her because she's too extreme: either she is playing the sweet nice girl or she's acting out without reason. There's really no buildup and no middle ground. BUT. I think that it addressed some important points; mainly that she was screwed over week after week and that her character is severely under-developed.

Sugar as Quinn and Joe as Mike

They had her hitting her head and having a sort of hallucination where a bunch of people switched places and that was fun for a bit. I think that Dianna Agron(Quinn) as Sugar Motta was pretty funny. 

My favorite part from her though was her saying "Yeah, I know Rachel Berry is a pain in the butt" and then defending her to Whoopi Goldberg. It shows that she has some sort of fire, even if it's only starting to manifest itself. Is this supposed to be a hint about what's to come then for next season? Overall it was a kind of lackluster episode, though I did enjoy hearing more about Puck's storyline as well as Beiste's (I recommend you watch this part for yourself, it's actually pretty dece). Also, even though I don't think that Glee could ever be considered "heavy" or "serious" television, I think that having such a high probability that dreams could be destroyed and having the characters be afraid of that possibility was a good writing choice. A not so subtle reminder that not everything can or will go your way in life but that you should rise up and meet whatever challenge comes your way. 

Anyways, on to the second part. Nationals are coming up and everyone is really driven to win. Vocal Adrenaline's selling point is that they have a transgendered lead singer, Unique who is played by a winner of the Glee project(Alex). He(She) sings "Starships" for the performance; the intensity and mechanical quality that the performance had kind of turned me off....a lot. Also the second song used pinball machines which I found slightly ridiculous. 

I liked that Jesse took a break from being a douche to help Rachel out and proved that no matter how old or successful you get, getting complimented by a mentor/person you respect in the field you love is an awesome feeling. I think we can totally sympathize here.

So New Directions finally wins Nationals(not really surprised there) and although they're not exactly the most graceful winners, it's nice to see them winning for once instead of being interrupted by weird events(ie impromptu makeout sessions, babies being born etc).

I think that the confetti party at the high school was a little over the top; at my former high school I don't think people would have particularly cared. The Brittany/Santana kiss was cute though and I'm happy they can celebrate this huge win. The fact that Emma's virginity was like a prize for Will winning Nationals is highly problematic but that's another post for another day. Also, random girl who was way too excited to have Rachel's autograph? A little weird.

Also, Will as teacher of the year? I can't even begin to describe how much I've come to hate his character and the fact that he got teacher of the year is vomit worthy. But I guess they need to end on a high note. A really really high note. And "We are the Champions" as the final song? A really really really high note. Though I liked that they cut to Sue on the "No time for losers" part (classic).

Overall, this was a really cute(though cliche) episode but it was everything that I expected it to be and really you can't ask for more than that.

The Same-sex Marriage Post

This will be a short one because I need to go study for finals.

BUT. I thought I should say something.

So unless you are living under a rock, you probably know that North Carolina's state constitution was revised earlier this week to legally ban gay marriage. President Obama has spoken out in favor of gay marriage as have countless other people, from celebrities to Youtube Stars; this is a topic of much discussion.

And just so that we're clear, I am totally completely for Gay rights and I think that they should most definitely be allowed to marry in the United States, a place that prides itself on supposed equality. And after all, "Who am I to get in the way of true love?"

One thing that I would like to add to the discussion(because I'm still in finals mode) is that homophobia is a contrived notion. In lieu of my Greek Tragedy final I would like to point out the system of pederasty in Ancient Greece. When a young man(called an ephebe) was coming of age, he would be put into a homoerotic relationship with an older man and in return, the older man would exchange "knowledge" about life and the universe. This system was considered the highest form of love and was lauded by many different playwrights from Socrates to Aristophanes and Plato. This homosexual relationship was deemed the purest form of human relationships and ennobled because of the flow of knowledge between men.

So yeah. That's something to think about. And also worth noting, there are a gagillion poems by Sappho extolling the virtues of lesbian love.

I think that the take home point from this whole debate is that marriage exists in a religious sphere and a legal sphere. And in the US, we are all citizens protected by national law. There is a lot of tension at the moment between national and state law. I happen to think that marriage is a basic human right, and as such should be protected under national law.

Anyways, I know that wasn't like a brilliant revelation or anything but I got excited that something I learned in the classroom was pertinent to today's news.
Best Wishes.

Mad Men dives into the Mod 60's

Warning: this contains spoilers.

Remember this? Mrs. Draper 1.0

Season 5 of Mad Men is now well underway and after a year and a half hiatus, fans were anxiously awaiting what the new season would bring.

Mrs. Draper 2.0: How far we have come.

The writers are really playing up the theme of change in this season and I think when you consider the first season, it's very artfully done. The second, third and fourth season seemed to drag on messily. When Don and Betty tried to patch their sham of a marriage and then the hostility that came with the divorce, I was constantly cringing and waiting for the writers to put an end to their misery. Also, I for one am very excited that the show is starting to tackle issues like race and drug use. It really gives the viewer the sense that the late 60's were a time when the world was changing so fast from what it had been. The progression through the seasons brings this into focus really nicely.

Space dress and go-go boots? For a thirteen year old? Really Megan?

How the mighty have fallen

Furthermore, the characters are developing really well and though I'm skeptical about how labored everything seems to feel to Don this season, I really like that Sally and Megan are getting more screen time, separately and as "mother" and daughter. Megan is really starting to come into her own at work and over the course of the last few episodes, we've seen her mature quite a bit more. Sally is in that awkward stage of being between child and teenager and I wish we could fast forward to her teenage years so we could see Don having a fit when he finds out she slept with Glenn or something like that. Her main antagonist this season seemed to be her step-grandmother. It's like Betty dropped off the face of the Earth. I hated Betty Draper so much in Season 3 and 4 that I'm frankly relieved that we don't see much of her now. She was kind of a monster before with her borderline abusive treatment of Sally. After her cancer scare she's pretty much dissipated into the background. I will miss her awesome wardrobe though.

The costume designers have started taking more risks with color palettes this season which really emphasizes the changing times. The contrast is astounding actually. I think the most indicative outfit of change is Jane's outfit pictured below. Gone are the pencil skirts, button ups and French twists. I'm not quite sure what her inspiration was for this outfit but it's certainly daring. All the men seem to be wearing hideous plaid sportcoats as well this season. What up with that?

While there are the occasional wonky moments, I'm pleased with Season 5 overall so far. It's nice to see that they're weaving new stories into the mix because Pete/Peggy/Ken storylines seem somewhat trite now. We needed something new and they delivered. Don seems a lot less suave this season but I respect that choice by Matthew Weiner. Stay tuned for more updates.

Why does Quinn Fabray never get a Happy Ending?

Not a Wellesley related post at all but I think it needs to be said.
As requested by D, there are spoiler alerts following in this post.

WHAT ON EARTH ARE THE WRITERS OF GLEE DOING WITH QUINN FABRAY???

Seriously...what was this?

Seriously though. I feel like she takes the fall for basically everything. When things are getting tired on the show, they drastically alter something about her character. They really can never let her be happy which sucks because she really is one of my favorite characters. She was smart, and had aspirations outside of the performing arts even though she enjoyed singing in Glee alot.

I get it that in the first season, it makes sense. It was the huge plot twist that the "Beautiful Blonde Cheerleader" gets pregnant and hits rock bottom.

Even the Lucy Caboosey stuff makes her character really interesting. She worked really hard to become the Alpha Female and it adds more pathos to the fact that she completely messed things up. The allegory of the Perfect Christian Girl's world falling apart was kind of tragic and added a nice layer to the story. Her parents divorce and yet she perseveres.

But really. It seems like when Quinn is in the spotlight she is either completely deplorable and attention seeking, or having to work back from another bombshell that the writers just dumped on her. Usually a negative thing happens RIGHT after something positive has just happened to her. They also constantly say that she is beautiful but that seems to be grounds to be smacked down on Glee

For example: Taking Dad to Chastity Ball. Gets Pregnant and kicked out of the house.
Runs for Prom Queen. Finn cheats on her with Rachel and she loses to Kurt.
Gets into Yale. Paralyzed.

It's been a long time since we've seen this girl. Can we have her back?

What's next? About to Graduate...Dies? I really would not be happy with that. There's really only so many times she can have bad things happen to her and try to rebound like she's needed to in these past 3 seasons of Glee. I want to keep rooting or her but the writers keep making her happy ending impossible. I'm kind of getting discouraged

RE: WellesleyFML

I don't think I have the brainpower to write another long post so I'll keep it short.

So this is just something I wanted to address for awhile I just never got around to it. It seems like a lot of people use this site and I think it's an interesting phenomenon that we have so many ways that we as Wellesley students can connect with one another and share experiences.

BUT.

That site seriously stresses me out. It really does. While there are a few posts of people being supportive about people(a lot of times about questioning/queerness) there's a lot of built up stress there too and sometimes just outright ridiculous/obnoxious posts. I can't really talk because this blog in and of itself supports the idea that ranting about stuff is the best way to deal with your emotions. However. The only way that you, the reader, has access to this URL is through either my personal Facebook or through my Twitter and is protected from being searched on Google. The audience is limited so if you're reading this right now, chances are I know you fairly well(just kidding you could also be coming here from the weird Russian site that's trafficking my posts....sorry). WellesleyFML.com is designed to share info with anyone who has the URL which includes alumnae, professors, current students and anyone who feels like "seeing into our world". It's sometimes hard for me to tell whether or not the people posting are genuinely in distress and which are just attention seeking harlots. It strikes me odd that certain topics, such as rape, are discussed on it(given the very very VERY serious nature of that topic).

The collective bitching of everyone can become really overwhelming, and sometimes people can be snarky or sarcastic to people which I find is usually unnecessary.


So while I find the posts like "Beginning of semester: I’M GONNA GET A 4.0. Middle of semester: Yeah, a B+ isn’t a bad goal. End of semester: Please let me pass, please let me pass…" worth the lulz, this site is highly problematic for me.

Slow descent into madness: Why I am cranky all the time now.

Note: This is not going to be a funny or amusing piece in any way. Just me complaining. You have been warned.

I haven't been writing as frequently because we seem to be in that period of time where all the exams and studying for finals converge into one big mess. However, the Ruhlman conference is later today meaning I don't have to go to work so I feel slightly less guilty about staying up to type something up. Besides, I like being able to write something _not_ about the role of Euripides in Ancient Greek Tragedy, or how element of the artist has dissolved in a Post-War mobile representing an abstracted lobster tail.

Lately I've just had a lot of pent up anxiety about the future. I know that sounds cliche and I know this definitely will NOT be the last time I feel the way I do but it all seems to be pooling up right now. A few weeks ago, I was worrying about what classes to take and then I had an anxiety attack about my proposed "major". Screw that, I don't even know if I want that to be my major or what I really want to do with my life. In high school I was pretty good at what I think I want to do but at the AP and college level that hasn't really been the case. What I've been proven good at is not necessarily the most profitable field either. And if I do stick with my original major(because I'm fairly sure double majoring will be incredibly difficult so let's just stick with one) HOW THE EFF AM I SUPPOSED TO FIT IN ALL MY CLASSES??? Sorry for that moment of insanity but I don't even really know if I'm actually good at what I'm doing(the second unprofitable major) or I just haven't gotten to the harder levels. Frankly, being barraged by exams and assignments is not doing awesome things for my psyche-it makes me feel like there's nothing I'm good at academically. I used to think that I felt overwhelmed in high school but I think that was just me spinning my wheels. I _actually_ think I'm out of my element here. Sometimes I think that I should have chosen a different school where I could do better in class. I do love Wellesley but my goodness it drives me nuts sometimes.

Furthermore, as summer approaches everyone is talking about the awesome things they're going to do; travelling, working internationally, researching. Now to be fair, I know that I am very lucky to have any job at all because it's a tough market and there are still a lot of seniors who are unemployed which is a much larger issue than mine. I guess I just had the false idea that when everyone said we have a vast and affluent network of alumnae, that meant that finding a job would happen within a matter of days/weeks. It doesn't.

I think that with all of this going on that I've been neglecting friends and family way more than I should be and for that I apologize. I'm just scared and confused and frustrated and...well basically all the negative things. Trying to keep it together for the next 2 and half weeks until I'm home and all of this is (hopefully) resolved. Hoping my dignity and GPA survive.

Dear 14 year old self

An Idea I've been toying around with for a while but lacked the inspiration for until now: an open letter to freshman year me.

Dear 14 year old me-

The interesting thing about the internet is that I can go back and see everything you did on the computer, like pictures on facebook and chats between people, wall posts, comments...everything. So I don't think I'll ever really forget what you are going through but I was still shocked enough at what I saw to want to write to you. I can't say that I'd want to be friends with you, but I remember the heartbreak and frustration and I commend you for managing it the best you could.

You may think that I will want to vilify you because you are at silly and impulsive but I am not going to do that. You are younger than I am now so that it understandable, you have a lot to learn. I also am not going to tell you anything because I think all the mistakes that you will make are a central part to why you become the person you are. All the fights, the petty jealousies, the frustration you feel, while sucky, will really make you a better person in the end, and I'm not trying to be cliche.

I know your hopes and dreams and I know what you are afraid of, what you are deeply and truly afraid of. I will tell you right now that everything you're wishing for is within your grasp if only you will find the courage to fight for it. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for and you can make everything happen for yourself. One day you will get into your dream school and you will find lots of wonderful people there, whom I hope you will stay friends with well after graduation.  There is a lot of uncertainty in your life and I know that that frightens you and I don't think that will ever really change. You will shoot for the stars and you will fail but I commend you for even trying. You will feel a lot of anger and anguish and no amount of time could ever trivialize that. I hope you realize what wonderful outlets you have at your disposal.

I am also proud of you, 14 year old me. Regardless of what age you are, and yes I have stalked you at different significant moments of your life, you always seem to have friends that you can count on to catch you when you fall and you will cherish them. Just because you don't always stay in touch with them doesn't mean their friendship is less significant. They will give you the strength you need to face your problems and fight them into submission. Never lose them.

Lastly, I remind you to try and stick around. There will be many points in the next few years where you question whether or not it is worth it and I assure you it is. No matter how bad things get, you will find a way to not only survive, but to thrive. I have total confidence in you.

Love,
Your 18 going on 19 self

PS: You don't gain weight like I do. I suggest you eat more while you still can.

Just derpin' along

It's the time of the semester when all you want to do is just sleep. And eat. And then sleep some more. And watch TV on your computer.

It's midterms yet again here at our fair College, and for the life of me I will never understand why they call them that when clearly they are not. The word midterm implies that said midterm will happen once and only once, smack dab in the middle of your semester. Instead, we have them twice a semester. I'm not sure what you would call them but as it stands that name is really misleading.

My life right now.

There's actually a lot going on right now on campus; we had registration yesterday morning and we should be hearing back from Housing about where we shall be living. Everyone is preparing for next semester but I don't think I can even process that I'm supposed to be excited right now. These past few days and the coming weeks are kind of just the college's way of reminding us that we are not as smart or as accomplished as we think we are. Which, you know, is helpful just somewhat painful.

So, I'm sorry that this post is just me complaining about life right now but there's really nothing exciting going on...this is almost just the calm before the storm called Finals.

Time to get some more Jasmine tea and gear up.

On Justin Bieber's single "Boyfriend"

So I'm going to start out by saying that since I've come to college I've been a bit slow on listening to recently released music. I saw that he had a clip of it on Ellen and decided to give it a listen.

I'm not going vilify him here so if that's what you're looking for, I'm sorry. I think that in the past couple years, Justin Bieber has been more famous for the fact that he has a famous girlfriend and for the fact that a lot of people hate him. Neither of which says anything about his abilities as an artist.

So let the formal analysis begin.

The song begins with a rather annoying siren sound while he raps in a weird rhythm. I thought that he was going to go with a syncopated rhythm...but then he didn't. So that was a bit of a surprise and kind of cool, I guess. There is literally no hint of tonality in the first verse whatsoever, just the siren and rapping. So far nothing particularly catchy but I guess I have to listen to the entire thing. I will admit the repetition of "swag" is mildly irritating. Then comes the guitar/vocals section, which has an R&B kind of feel which is not ground breaking but not unpleasant. He seems to be doing the most singing here; as far as being a vocalist, he's fairly mediocre and the sound is breathy which I'm guessing is supposed to make all the girls out there love him.

The chorus is somewhat forgettable, I had to play it a few times to even try to remember it; mainly just moving stepwise. Not particularly catchy. The siren thing is starting to get on my nerves though.

So the rest of the song alternates between the chorus and him rapping about how awesome he could be if the anonymous girl he's singing to would only go out with him. It's supposed to be a song of seduction which has it's roots in the bard songs of the Medieval European courts. So...again. Nothing ground breaking.

It seems glaringly obvious that this song was contrived by songwriters to help perpetuate his image created by his publicists: a charming, "gentleman" with "cash to burn". Essentially, he's supposed to be the guy that young girls will fall in love with...and then use their money to buy his songs and make everyone who works with him really really rich.

Now, I know art is created for a variety of reasons, one of which is to sell money. But for me, the purest form of music expresses something about the artists' thoughts and feelings. All I can tell about Justin Bieber is that he wants to please everyone, namely his fans so that they will continue to support him financially. Other than that, we have no idea who he really is or what he thinks or feels. I almost wish he wrote a song about Selena and how happy she makes him or something like that to preserve some of his integrity. I guess I also feel a bit of pity that he has to keep up this image to continue supporting himself...and then I remember that the money he brings in from this one song is enough to put me through four years of Wellesley. And then I don't feel as bad for him.

So all in all, this is a very mediocre song from a mediocre artist. I don't think this qualifies him for the hero worship given to him by girls ages 11-16 or so, or to be torn down by everyone else. I don't find it particularly entertaining or catchy, which is what I think most people expect from pop music. So I'm going to give it a C. Kind of just meh.

Hunger Games review

So this is going to have to be short since I need to pack and stuff to go back to school but I literally just got back from the theater and I felt like I needed to write something. Again, these are my personal opinions and if you don't like them...well, I'll leave it up to your imagination just what exactly you can do with them. I'm going to try really hard not to give away spoilers but if I do, I'm sorry.

So generally when I watch movies that are based off of books I usually feel really disappointed because they leave things out and the books have become way too important for me to judge the a movie as a piece of storytelling. Usually it just seems like a pale imitation of what I pictured the books to be like, and in extreme cases, completely and totally off from what I expected.

The Hunger Games did leave out a few details that I thought would have made it really chilling(i.e. the individualized wolves). Also, things felt incredibly rushed despite the fact that the film was two and a half hours long. So in that sense, yes the book was better. One other point worth making is that some details that they decided to keep(tesserae/how the names can be put in more than once, the fact that the medicine was expensive and paid for by the sponsors) were set up rather poorly. I only really realized this because I was watching the movie with someone who had never read the books. But once we realize that those shortcomings are a result of the medium and the makers, I think despite all of that it was a very good film.

So here's what I really liked about the film: the cinematography was kind of choppy whenever you were really supposed to be inside Katniss' mind which was a little bit headache inducing but a very important artistic choice, and I ultimately approve of it. Also, I liked how the background story(like with President Snow and Seneca, and Haymitch shmoozing) was shown rather than told up front, like it is in the book. It gives the viewer more of a sense of the characters' humanity which is interesting for me, but not Katniss' focus since she's trying to fight for survival. I would also like to commend Effie Trinket's performance ("But I don't think they can have dessert, and YOU can!"). Brill. Final note, the Career alliance seemed very playful when hunting people down which was horrific but also a good choice; I think it just enhanced the savagery of the Games and culminated with Cato's speech/realization(sorry to be vague, but trying not to spoil things).

Overall, I really liked what they did with the film. They filled out parts that I hadn't thought too much about and the things that I did were pretty much spot on. If they weren't, I think that they make perfect logical sense within the context of the film. If you haven't seen it, I would suggest that you go whenever possible. The odds will be ever in your favor.

The Art of Attraction: What women(and maybe men) really want

Warning: What you are about to read are my personal thoughts-they are not affiliated with the Wellesley College administration in any way. I just set up my blog on this account because I'm too lazy to keep switching gmail accounts. Also, I am of course up for polite discussion, but I will not squabble with you if you do not agree with my views.

I will put another disclaimer here that human relationships are incredibly complex and that this should definitely not be taken as a guide for the success of all relationships ever. These are just some observations that I have compiled from watching people I care about over the years.

So a few weekends ago, I ordered Dominos pizza online with D. On the website there were pizza tracker's by theme, one of which was a parody of romance fictions where a deep and oh so sexy man's voice said things like "Your pizza is being a prepared in the ovens that burn with the fires of my passion for you." in some indistinguishable European accent.

Hey, Girl...

We had a few giggles about that and then promptly enjoyed our meal. But then I realized that even though Dominos was using a parody, there is actually very serious market for romance novels and Cosmo magazines showing hot guys much as there is a market for Esquire and Playboy magazines for men. So naturally, I tried to think about why that is and then about why you should care(because I care a lot about you thinking deeply about things, anonymous reader).

Almost everyone I know, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation, cares a lot about the success(or lack thereof) their romantic relationships. Everyone has been attracted to someone in their lifetime and from a biological standpoint, that makes total sense. Being sexually attracted to someone guarantees the reproductive success of our species. That is, if you have a baby with said attractive person, they are likely to survive for some reason.

And when we didn't think too much about anything deeper than that, things were pretty sweet. However, over the centuries, people have developed a slight obsession with the concept of Love, thus rendering sexual attraction(solely) as superficial. In our modern era, Love also means living your life out with someone, possibly with children.

That begs the question: what makes two people compatible for a long term relationship? The ideal that everyone strives for(the living together with children part) makes this incredibly complicated because there are a lot of factors to consider. I'm going to try and break it down as generally as possible though.

The most important distinction between Lust and "Love" is that when people are in Lust for someone they are attracted to the ideal that person implies, whereas when you love someone it has more to do with personality. For example(for you Wellesley ladies out there), if you meet a hot hot Harvard guy at a finals club you may find him attractive because he has the possibility of being rich, well-liked, belonging to something elite, what have you. Being in lust leaves room for people to cast the attractive person into whatever role they want. Essentially, you can still pretend said attractive person is your dream come true and gloss over some of the finer details. When you love a person, there is respect/appreciation for aspects of their personality: their intelligence, their wit, their compassion. These are things that you're not really thinking about when you're casting that person as Prince/Princess Charming. I'll use the example of my friends in general, because I do love them. I would not describe any of them as hot supermodels but everyone brings something unique to the table that I appreciate like humor, spontaneity, solidarity. Being in love means getting to really know a person.

While they say that opposites attract, if you want to travel the world and your significant other wants to stay in the suburbs and have a house with a white picket fence, there is going to be some conflict. Not saying that it won't necessarily work out, but it's definitely an obstacle. As far as personalities, I don't think anyone wants to date themselves but there has to be enough cross-over so that the S.O. can be empathetic to your situation but also bring something new to the table. Most importantly though, it has something to do with realizing that you are with a person, not a photoshopped model or athlete. A person with feelings and thoughts and imperfections, much like yourself and vice versa. For everyone, that is a frightening prospect.

There are a lot of reasons that long term relationship do not work for people. For some people, it is frightening enough that they do not want to open themselves up for longer relationships. Or maybe they're so superficially attractive that they've been approached by people who have no intention of finding out what an awesome personality they have. And of course, there are those individuals stuck in the friendzone who have fantastic personalities but for some reason they do not "click" with the object of their desires.

I think that essentially people want their significant other to be their best friend: someone they can laugh with, and cry with and get through awkward situations with. Usually though, it takes a lot of effort to notice such a person.

So with that, I will give you one piece of advice that will hopefully increase your chances at finding this concept of "Love" with someone: Don't show them the person you could be or want to be; show them the person that you are.