Advice No One Asked For: Wendy's Guide to Picking Up Guys

Among my many incredibly awkward encounters in the communal kitchens, the one that sticks out the most to me is when I overheard some girls talking about how to pick up guys. My first reaction when I was overhearing this was "Wow, did that really need to be said? Why was that an issue in the first place?" but the more I listened, the more I realized that how Wellesley students act at parties is actually a huge issue.

Because we are really obnoxious. Like, really obnoxious.

You're trying too hard.

Yes, we are freaking gorgeous when we go out and yes, we are the smartest, sassiest women in the country but literally every woman I know here transforms into an insecure high school freshman again when confronted with any person that has a Y chromosome. It's just the nature of our being at an all-womens' college and it is what it is. While I wouldn't call myself an expert on the subject, none of my male friends  have threatened to kill me yet so I must be doing something right. So I'm here to set the record straight so that we can stop being hated by every other college girl who isn't a Wendy in Massachusetts.

The first(and most important) piece of advice is to STOP TRYING SO HARD.


Honestly though, this is the general mantra that I'm going to give you. I'm going to level with you and say right now that it is highly unlikely that you will find your future husband at a relatively sketchy party. So just enjoy being off campus(if you are) and have fun with your friends. If you have to think a lot about your clothes/makeup/shoes/conversation...you're probably not doing it right. The lower your expectations for yourself and other are, the more fun you will have. It's just a fact.

Ok. Now that that's over, on to the nitty gritty.

Do make eye contact. This is something I overheard in the kitchen and I actually really like it. A guy will probably not be able to tell you're making flirty eyes under your eyelashes in a badly lit room anyways so just look at him in the eyes. Worst comes worst, it will be awkward but you can stare at his butt anyways.

DON'T be clingy. This should go without saying; girls don't like clingy girls so why on Earth would guys like them? Finding a guy who is DTF will not be that hard so if you've managed to find one that isn't, do the respectful thing and just move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Really. If you left campus, there's literally a whole room of them.

Also, DON'T complain about your day/hate on other girls or be generally unpleasant. This is not attractive behavior. And whatever you do DON'T get sloppy with your drinking. That is also unattractive.

Do  be very direct and talk to guys during the night. This is a hard one for me too but you really can't expect that a guy to know you're interested in him if you don't say so. To quote one of my favorite authors: USE YOUR WORDS.

Don't cling to your besties the entire night. I know it's tempting because you might not be very comfortable in the situation but you likely spend the entire school week with them. Branch out if only for the night; the worst case situation is that you have a lot of conversations, the art of which is dying and dearly needs intelligent, witty women like us to resurrect it.

Simply put, use this opportunity to just have fun and be yourself. Stop caring so much about how the other people will see you because chances are, you'll never see any of them again. And if you do, you can be glad that you didn't embarrass yourself or(God forbid) our lovely alma mater.

Keep it classy, ladies.