I have been thinking of what to write almost every single day of the school year so far but haven't really known what I wanted to say. I've tossed up ideas about different series to start writing about sharks or jellyfish or just anything else but what was really on my mind. This is not going to be a funny or witty or even a particularly interesting post. But it's one that is symbolically and emotionally important for me.
It's been an interesting start of the semester to say the least; I think I've experienced every possible emotion in the last month. The gory details are not important but it's been a time of transition in more ways than one.
For awhile, I've been concentrating on myself, on doing the bare minimum, on just getting by. It was a pretty isolating to be completely honest. It was an odd existence, to be constantly surrounded by people but always feeling lonely. Over the past few months, I've wondered if that's just what it meant to grow up, that adults just don't interact the way that we used to when we were in high school. But I think I've realized that connecting with people is a conscious choice that we make and that the way I was going through my college career is not something I want to continue and this year. I've given myself a few challenges to change that. Maybe I'll share the others in the future but I think one of the most important ones right now is letting people in and letting them really know me. I think for a long time I wanted to keep people at a difference to keep up the appearance of gliding through my time at Wellesley but that is simply not accurate.
And that's okay. It's okay not to be okay.
It's okay to admit you need strength from others.
In the last few weeks, I have found support from my friends in incredible ways and I really can't say how grateful I am to be surrounded by these wonderful people, you know who you are.
In a fairly recent vlogbrothers video, John mentioned that most successes belong not to one person but that they are the product of teamwork and collaboration of many different people. It made me think of how my getting through this, as I am reasonably confident I will, will not just be my victory but the victories of my friends as well.
This is a departure from my usual subject matter, it's much more personal. But I wanted it to be out there, in the open. I think it's important and I don't want to forget it in the future.
To my friends, I just want to say: I appreciate you and I am lucky to have you in my life. Thank you.
