Mixed thoughts about the Chick-Fil-A letter.

If you've been away from the internet, you know that Mayor Menino released a letter a few days ago to the CEO(?) of Chick-Fil-A(who had made anti-gay marriage statements earlier) that we in the city of Boston have no need for a business that discriminates against homosexuals. You can read the letter in its entirety here

As you can see from the title, I'm not entirely sure what I think about this letter.

Let me state right now that I am definitely pro-gay rights and gay marriage. HOWEVER. I do not believe this strongly worded letter was the best vehicle through which to air our views for the following reasons:

1) People are allowed to believe whatever they want in this country. Or so the First Amendment tells me.

2) From what I can see, the business Chick-Fil-A itself is an equal opportunity employer who does not (and CAN NOT) discriminate against employees of different sexual orientations.

While I think that Mayor Menino's efforts were very noble, I think they were somewhat misguided. Having another restaurant on the Freedom trail could be an opportunity for employment and increased revenue for the city of Boston. What it basically comes down to for me is whether or not we can separate the ethics of the corporation from the ethics of the people who run it, or whether we should treat them as one and the same. While you could disagree with Mr. Cathy's viewpoints, does that discount him from being a successful businessman? Should his beliefs exclude him from having his business in Boston? Also, I'm not sure what Menino's powers as mayor are but I'm fairly sure it's unethical to expel someone from the city of Boston because of their viewpoints. It's a targeted attack of an individual rather than the company; had the company itself stated that it would not hire gay employees, this would be a huge issue but that's not exactly the case. So while I applaud his audacity, I'm still somewhat divided about this.

Advice No One Asked For: Wendy's Guide to Picking Up Guys

Among my many incredibly awkward encounters in the communal kitchens, the one that sticks out the most to me is when I overheard some girls talking about how to pick up guys. My first reaction when I was overhearing this was "Wow, did that really need to be said? Why was that an issue in the first place?" but the more I listened, the more I realized that how Wellesley students act at parties is actually a huge issue.

Because we are really obnoxious. Like, really obnoxious.

You're trying too hard.

Yes, we are freaking gorgeous when we go out and yes, we are the smartest, sassiest women in the country but literally every woman I know here transforms into an insecure high school freshman again when confronted with any person that has a Y chromosome. It's just the nature of our being at an all-womens' college and it is what it is. While I wouldn't call myself an expert on the subject, none of my male friends  have threatened to kill me yet so I must be doing something right. So I'm here to set the record straight so that we can stop being hated by every other college girl who isn't a Wendy in Massachusetts.

The first(and most important) piece of advice is to STOP TRYING SO HARD.


Honestly though, this is the general mantra that I'm going to give you. I'm going to level with you and say right now that it is highly unlikely that you will find your future husband at a relatively sketchy party. So just enjoy being off campus(if you are) and have fun with your friends. If you have to think a lot about your clothes/makeup/shoes/conversation...you're probably not doing it right. The lower your expectations for yourself and other are, the more fun you will have. It's just a fact.

Ok. Now that that's over, on to the nitty gritty.

Do make eye contact. This is something I overheard in the kitchen and I actually really like it. A guy will probably not be able to tell you're making flirty eyes under your eyelashes in a badly lit room anyways so just look at him in the eyes. Worst comes worst, it will be awkward but you can stare at his butt anyways.

DON'T be clingy. This should go without saying; girls don't like clingy girls so why on Earth would guys like them? Finding a guy who is DTF will not be that hard so if you've managed to find one that isn't, do the respectful thing and just move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Really. If you left campus, there's literally a whole room of them.

Also, DON'T complain about your day/hate on other girls or be generally unpleasant. This is not attractive behavior. And whatever you do DON'T get sloppy with your drinking. That is also unattractive.

Do  be very direct and talk to guys during the night. This is a hard one for me too but you really can't expect that a guy to know you're interested in him if you don't say so. To quote one of my favorite authors: USE YOUR WORDS.

Don't cling to your besties the entire night. I know it's tempting because you might not be very comfortable in the situation but you likely spend the entire school week with them. Branch out if only for the night; the worst case situation is that you have a lot of conversations, the art of which is dying and dearly needs intelligent, witty women like us to resurrect it.

Simply put, use this opportunity to just have fun and be yourself. Stop caring so much about how the other people will see you because chances are, you'll never see any of them again. And if you do, you can be glad that you didn't embarrass yourself or(God forbid) our lovely alma mater.

Keep it classy, ladies.

Musical Throwbacks: Just the Girl

So I think you all know this song, it happened to come up on my Pandora today at work so I thought I would do some close reading of the lyrics. Despite the fact that I'm annoyed that the hook ends with a preposition, it's pretty catchy and I really liked this song in middle school. HOWEVER. I didn't really think about what the lyrics mean until now so let's take this verse by verse.

She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She's the one I'm after

She sounds abusive. But seriously, bro...she's a b*tch to you yet you still want her? Why?


'cause she's bittersweet
(Honestly, she only really sounds bitter so far)
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can't help myself
I don't want anyone else
She's a mystery
She's too much for me
But I keep comin' back for more
She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

Ahh, here we go. She puzzles you, that's why you keep going after her. Either our guy here has a huge ego and is confused as to why a female would so outrightly reject him...or he's a masochist.

She can't keep a secret
For more than an hour
She runs on 100 proof attitude power
And the more she ignores me
The more I adore her
What can I do?
I'd do anything for her


So he likes her because she's sassy...but she ignores him. Yet that makes him like her more? He likes that which he cannot have, which sounds totally healthy. Also, the fact that he brings up that she's a gossip seems significant.

And when she sees it's me
On her caller ID
She won't pick up the phone
She'd rather be alone
But I can't give up just yet
Cause every word she's ever said
Is still ringin' in my head
Still ringin' in my head
She's cold and she's cruel
But she knows what she's doin'
Knows just what to say
So my whole day is ruined


...okay. So she clearly is not interested in him yet he keeps trying to pursue her. He also fixates on everything she's ever said to him(which, at this point I think is all mean things). Why do I keep thinking that this is going to end with a restraining order?

To summarize: This is a "nice" guy is obsessed with some girl who is not giving him the time of day. This story will be on repeat for the rest of his life. He seems to be on the road to perdition and we're just singing and dancing to it. Funny world, isn't it?

On Paranormal Erotica

Late in the evening a few months ago, my friend Sam and I were discussing some quotes about paranormal erotica, which he had come across by some means or another. We laughed at the absurdity of the "literature" and decided that if either of our college educations failed us, we could make a go at writing it since it was "metaphorically vomitting on a keyboard". 


I have since realized that there is actually more to this. In fact, it's a pretty smart business move. Since Twilight took off my freshman year of high school, the number of vampire/werewolf inspired media has skyrocketed. While not a work of great literature, what Twilight did was revolutionize the idea of these superhuman creatures being perceived not as objects of terror but rather as objects of desire; otherworldly enough that you should worship them...yet still human enough so that you can still sleep with them and that they can think of you as an equal of sorts.

This in turn has spawned countless novels about bondage, S&M and the like by sexy vampires, werewolves and maybe even ghosts. While I'm not entirely familiar with the genre(having never picked up one of these books) I can't really delve into specifics. However, my friend Sam has kindly provided me with enough quotations that I think I can say this with some degree of certainty.

The romantic interests in these types of books are usually dark, brooding and mysterious in addition to being incredibly desirable. They often think they know how to act in the best interests of the protagonist because their condition has given them extra knowledge of some kind. More often than not, they're usually pretty moody as well.  Consider this gem, for example

 “I don't know what you want, Haley. Just because you got me off does'nt mean I have to engage in post-fuck chat. So back off."

There is so much love and mutual adoration here. Essentially, they're in it for the sex at first and only really for that. My friend Sam also pointed out to me that in these novels, the female protagonists usually fantasize about being "slammed by a strong masculine appendage".   Being the significant other of a superhuman creature sets up some very unreal expectations for your real life significant others. Firstly, that you will always have mind-blowingly good sex with incredibly handsome/beautiful "people" which I find to be laughable. What is less laughable and more tragic is the  general apathy this genre may inspire. Love is no longer exciting because these books have affected people enough to become insanely popular and I fear that people will try to find this kind of emotional"fulfillment" in their own lives. 


Put simply, they are chasing a feeling-the feeling of exhilarating, ecstatic, all-consuming love(something that I do not believe exists at all times in a relationship). What's more, I feel like this genre makes people concentrate on what could (and never will) be rather than seeing the possibilities that are right in front of them. It's a really subtle but important distinction.