I was recently writing something for a project that I can't really talk too much about. But I can tell you that I had to confront a time in my life when things really were not going well. When I felt powerless and hopeless. I was looking back on old blog posts from that time to see if past-me had more eloquent ways of saying things.
I had written nothing.
I also had never acknowledged what was happening in my journals really or in any subsequent blog posts. I had literally never written about what I still consider the hardest, most emotionally draining period of my life. It is a time that was basically burned into my memory. It's a time that I carry with me as a talisman and say to myself 'I survived that, which means that I can survive anything.'
It's a hard thing to acknowledge really. That some part of my life wasn't smooth and effortless. Honestly, it still hurts to think about it now, years after the fact. At the time, I was grateful that nobody saw my tears or knew about my weakness. And after it was done, I put those thoughts and feelings away in a drawer.
But that's the thing about pain...'it demands to be felt'. Sooner or later, it will come out.
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